You sat in that 
bathtub with a gun 
to your head, drinking,
sobbing, and 
falling
  apart.
That bathroom was full of mildew, 
and used tampons littered the trash.
You sat in there with tears 
blurring your vision. You were 
unable to recognize your father, 
standing before you.  But he
could not be there.  Lodged in your 
mouth, your father’s service revolver 
reminded you of the metallic jolt 
electricity from a 9-volt battery.
You wanted to pull it away,
stopping that acid taste and
to address that phantasm
hovering before you, but
the electricity running 
through your body took
all control from you.
Your muscles contracted:
Around the barrel,
 your lips;
around the grip,
your fist;
  and around the trigger,
   one lingering thumb.
Your eyes clenched.
Your ears braced 
for the explosion.
The body relaxed,
and the gun fell with 
a splash to the pool
of water near the drain.
The lips were turned up 
slightly at the corners.
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