Inner Monologue of a Schizophrenic Canine
Oh boy, oh boy, he’s home. He’s home!
I need to go out.
He keeps me in the house all day.
Where’s he going?
I need to go out.
Man I need to go out.
Is that a cat?
No he doesn’t like cats
I hope he sees me, I’m dancing for him. I need to go out
That’s gotta be a cat.
I know cats, I know
Must be a cat.
Where’s he been then?
I didn’t know it was cold out.
It’s warm out.
Must’ve gotten cold.
Wait, he’s leaving.
I need to go out.
Why isn’t he taking me?
The cat, he wants to see the cat.
He doesn’t love me.
I need to go. And I’ll do it INSIDE.
His laundry.
That will teach him.
I don’t smell cat anymore.
That’s all me.
July 8, 2009
An Exploratory Essay in Quasi-scientific Parables
An Exploratory Essay in Quasi-scientific Parables
There was a wise man that once said that if there were any work to be done that it would be done by its sheer existence alone. However, the time frame in which it would get done was dependent on the variable attitudes to the nature of the work itself. He was going to write a book expounding on this theory but he never got around to it. This is very likely due to the fact that he could not find anything in his house because he never managed to do his housework. The city mistook his house for a forgotten landfill and as far as anyone knows he died of oxygen deprivation after a few years.
Fortunately, his life’s work was passed into the world on a sheet of paper and his death did not really matter. He was a great thinker, but all great thinkers are, he was a flash-in-the-pan. After his first theory of the conditional existence and non-existence of work, he went on to other fields of probability and achieved other astounding insights, which he intended to write on the paper with the first theory but set it aside because after all that thinking he needed a good nap, a form of work higher on his priority list.
Any great thinker will tell you that a good nap is a lot of work. One wise man has been quoted on many occasions for his thought-provoking observations on the challenging field of pillow fluffing. “A pillow is only as good as the quality of its fluff, which lasts in direct proportion to the length of patience in the person who is responsible for fluffing it and the heart rate of those observing the person using said fluffed pillow.” This was received with broad yawns from his fellow researchers at the convention when he first revealed it. They were not fully convinced so the rest of the day was spent in pursuit of proof of the statement.
This lead to the next major theory in probable napping; more fulfilling naps will be taken in higher frequency in larger groups of people. A more specific correlative was attached about the increase of fulfilling naps amongst people of similar professions and age category. This correlative was tested with various degrees of success. The wise men found it to be absolutely true and went on to continually practice it, as often as 300 days a year, stopping only to take a vacation when they became too stressed. Another test was conducted by a zealous graduate student in a preschool setting. He hypothesized that if the preschoolers were assigned jobs, then their naps would be more fulfilling. They were trained in janitorial aspects concerning the movement of debris with a stiff-bristled implement attached to a long handle commonly referred to as a broom. Before being able to prove anything, he was smothered by a fire blanket when on of his subjects accidentally knocked the hasp with his broom. This gave birth to the modern-day laboratory science maxim, “Don’t give brooms to little kids.” which has subsequently saved many lives. Further investigations into the correlative stopped after the incident and have as of yet to resume.
The failure of work resumption was explored by a man of indifferent intelligence recently. He made leaps and bounds in the field. He discovered that the tendency of thought was to think that if work was started and no one was working on it any further that it must be done. He hypothesized that this was due to the nature of work itself, in the fact that work has a goal and that anything towards that goal brings the work closer to completion. Later research showed that the consensus of people believe work left unfinished would become finished if other work was done elsewhere. The man would have probably made many more discoveries but he went on coffee break and never returned to the subject.
Another aspect of … well never mind.
There was a wise man that once said that if there were any work to be done that it would be done by its sheer existence alone. However, the time frame in which it would get done was dependent on the variable attitudes to the nature of the work itself. He was going to write a book expounding on this theory but he never got around to it. This is very likely due to the fact that he could not find anything in his house because he never managed to do his housework. The city mistook his house for a forgotten landfill and as far as anyone knows he died of oxygen deprivation after a few years.
Fortunately, his life’s work was passed into the world on a sheet of paper and his death did not really matter. He was a great thinker, but all great thinkers are, he was a flash-in-the-pan. After his first theory of the conditional existence and non-existence of work, he went on to other fields of probability and achieved other astounding insights, which he intended to write on the paper with the first theory but set it aside because after all that thinking he needed a good nap, a form of work higher on his priority list.
Any great thinker will tell you that a good nap is a lot of work. One wise man has been quoted on many occasions for his thought-provoking observations on the challenging field of pillow fluffing. “A pillow is only as good as the quality of its fluff, which lasts in direct proportion to the length of patience in the person who is responsible for fluffing it and the heart rate of those observing the person using said fluffed pillow.” This was received with broad yawns from his fellow researchers at the convention when he first revealed it. They were not fully convinced so the rest of the day was spent in pursuit of proof of the statement.
This lead to the next major theory in probable napping; more fulfilling naps will be taken in higher frequency in larger groups of people. A more specific correlative was attached about the increase of fulfilling naps amongst people of similar professions and age category. This correlative was tested with various degrees of success. The wise men found it to be absolutely true and went on to continually practice it, as often as 300 days a year, stopping only to take a vacation when they became too stressed. Another test was conducted by a zealous graduate student in a preschool setting. He hypothesized that if the preschoolers were assigned jobs, then their naps would be more fulfilling. They were trained in janitorial aspects concerning the movement of debris with a stiff-bristled implement attached to a long handle commonly referred to as a broom. Before being able to prove anything, he was smothered by a fire blanket when on of his subjects accidentally knocked the hasp with his broom. This gave birth to the modern-day laboratory science maxim, “Don’t give brooms to little kids.” which has subsequently saved many lives. Further investigations into the correlative stopped after the incident and have as of yet to resume.
The failure of work resumption was explored by a man of indifferent intelligence recently. He made leaps and bounds in the field. He discovered that the tendency of thought was to think that if work was started and no one was working on it any further that it must be done. He hypothesized that this was due to the nature of work itself, in the fact that work has a goal and that anything towards that goal brings the work closer to completion. Later research showed that the consensus of people believe work left unfinished would become finished if other work was done elsewhere. The man would have probably made many more discoveries but he went on coffee break and never returned to the subject.
Another aspect of … well never mind.
I really miss writing (Late '04)
I really miss writing
But there is something in not having to write, in an academic standpoint, as it were. I just need to let my inner demons loose. I love whimsy. It’s unnatural. Unfair, is the right adjective, isn’t it? Maybe.
I have lost what I was writing for. I love praise. The creative juice flows for it. But the idea is that on some plane, there will be praise along the line. Maybe for my poetry, but there’s a good chance that it won’t be. (Who reads poetry anymore? Its been supplanted by recorded music.) But to tell stories? Fiction seems so fake. It is a lie, a conceit. The reader goes in knowing he’s being lied to. How many jobs has that created?
I know it is all about searching for a higher truth. A RELIGION, that’s what it is. We are all seeking a higher truth, and many find solace in other writings. It is when you lose patience for questioning that the device fails. When you thump books and shake your fists, you will only push your own advocacy towards people who already believe you. People with rational minds, I hope, are suspicious of someone so self-righteous that they allow no room for error.
But I feel a member of the few. I dare not call myself enlightened in a serious manner. There is no one who knows the truth, only those who are certain about their own ignorance. Everyone else is somewhere in the middle, keeping on that there is ultimately something bigger and stronger than their own corporal being. Sadly, I continue to think that such a scenario is possible. The problem is that once you rule something out, other theories have to follow and be ruled out for similar deficiencies. A narrow worldview results, depending on the tradition you were brought up with.
In my mind, there seems to be a dichotomy between two highly possible extremes. In one, we have to allow that all is possible in the world. There we have all belief structures, coexisting. Because if on is possible, all is possible. The alternate pole suggest that nothing is possible and we are here on a fluke of being, molecular combinations that happened on a chance ratio that is best described with scientific notation. This nothingness, ascribed to chance, allows for nothing, just chemistry and the sciences that are ignored by American students.
Thus, we are stuck between two poles, and to not encamp somewhere along these two highly divided lines instructs us to have an even more dangerous belief: to know that we are right, and others are wrong. Ideological wars, schisms, and their brethren are cousins of one another, because it the result of a very human certainty that we all wish to feel about this world. The world is ordered into such progressions. You do this, you do that, and finally this again, and then you die. We have from our prophets what happens next.
But hey, fuck it. Curiosity killed the cat, and drove many philosophers crazy. Let’s leave this subject alone, and enjoy conversation about what has united man over millennia: gastronomy.
It is as unfair to say that you hold a monopoly on the truth, as it is to say that you can levitate objects with your mind power, only when no one is looking. If you can’t prove anything, shut the hell up.
Remember, it is only through observation that the system is disturbed.
Think of a meta-narrative based on reading complicated books (i.e. Finnegan’s Wake, Being and Nothingness, etc.).
But there is something in not having to write, in an academic standpoint, as it were. I just need to let my inner demons loose. I love whimsy. It’s unnatural. Unfair, is the right adjective, isn’t it? Maybe.
I have lost what I was writing for. I love praise. The creative juice flows for it. But the idea is that on some plane, there will be praise along the line. Maybe for my poetry, but there’s a good chance that it won’t be. (Who reads poetry anymore? Its been supplanted by recorded music.) But to tell stories? Fiction seems so fake. It is a lie, a conceit. The reader goes in knowing he’s being lied to. How many jobs has that created?
I know it is all about searching for a higher truth. A RELIGION, that’s what it is. We are all seeking a higher truth, and many find solace in other writings. It is when you lose patience for questioning that the device fails. When you thump books and shake your fists, you will only push your own advocacy towards people who already believe you. People with rational minds, I hope, are suspicious of someone so self-righteous that they allow no room for error.
But I feel a member of the few. I dare not call myself enlightened in a serious manner. There is no one who knows the truth, only those who are certain about their own ignorance. Everyone else is somewhere in the middle, keeping on that there is ultimately something bigger and stronger than their own corporal being. Sadly, I continue to think that such a scenario is possible. The problem is that once you rule something out, other theories have to follow and be ruled out for similar deficiencies. A narrow worldview results, depending on the tradition you were brought up with.
In my mind, there seems to be a dichotomy between two highly possible extremes. In one, we have to allow that all is possible in the world. There we have all belief structures, coexisting. Because if on is possible, all is possible. The alternate pole suggest that nothing is possible and we are here on a fluke of being, molecular combinations that happened on a chance ratio that is best described with scientific notation. This nothingness, ascribed to chance, allows for nothing, just chemistry and the sciences that are ignored by American students.
Thus, we are stuck between two poles, and to not encamp somewhere along these two highly divided lines instructs us to have an even more dangerous belief: to know that we are right, and others are wrong. Ideological wars, schisms, and their brethren are cousins of one another, because it the result of a very human certainty that we all wish to feel about this world. The world is ordered into such progressions. You do this, you do that, and finally this again, and then you die. We have from our prophets what happens next.
But hey, fuck it. Curiosity killed the cat, and drove many philosophers crazy. Let’s leave this subject alone, and enjoy conversation about what has united man over millennia: gastronomy.
It is as unfair to say that you hold a monopoly on the truth, as it is to say that you can levitate objects with your mind power, only when no one is looking. If you can’t prove anything, shut the hell up.
Remember, it is only through observation that the system is disturbed.
Think of a meta-narrative based on reading complicated books (i.e. Finnegan’s Wake, Being and Nothingness, etc.).
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