Five Years Sober

 Some time today or yesterday or tomorrow marks the fifth anniversary of the last time I had a drink.

It was Memorial Day weekend. Anita was out of town. I’d gone to a concert and a baseball game that weekend, but I was relaxing at home, and I went to the fridge at about quarter after midnight for just one more before I went to bed for the night because I had to work the next day.

And then the next weekend I didn’t buy any more beer and then the next weekend and the weekend after next to a point where if I did buy some it would have made Anita sad, so I decided against it. Of course, it was more than that. I had a long history of bad, self-destructive decisions I made while drinking and it isn’t good for your health even if you say to yourself, you can moderate it. And I couldn’t really moderate it. Five years ago, I had been drinking more to sooth work stress and political stress and it was just time to stop.

I liked being drunk though and sometimes I still miss it in a way I don’t miss smoking (even though there is still the occasional craving for a cigarette fifteen years out). The difference is that I kept smoking because not smoking made me feel bad, but I liked drinking, so I drank to feel good – it helped level out the anxiety. Thankfully, I wasn’t at the point of physical dependence on alcohol.

I don’t miss the hangovers though – the dehydration and feelings of dread as your brain chemistry reset or the piecing together of the night before to make sure you didn’t do or say anything the night before.

Quitting drinking was surprisingly easy for me in terms of physical cravings. I wasn’t expecting that based on how hard it was for me to quit smoking. The hard part was making the decision to quit and keeping that decision every day. It was easy because it was something I wanted to do, and I had people around me that supported me.

You have those people too. Even if you have those cravings that are so bad you can feel it in your teeth, you are surrounded by people who care about you and want to see you make the healthy choices for your best self.