Two Years Sober

Sometime today, or yesterday I’m not sure, marked the second anniversary of the last time I had a drink.

It was a beer. I don’t remember the brand. I do remember that it was Memorial Day weekend. The Monday night. Anita was out of town with her family. I had been to a baseball game and a concert that weekend. I didn’t drink at the concert since I was driving, but I drank too much at the baseball game. It was a double header, and I panicked when I learned that they were stopping alcohol sales for the entirety of the second game so I drank four beers real fast.

I drank my last beer, cracking it after midnight saying to myself that it would be the last one for the night since I had to be at work in the morning. I didn’t drink it thinking it would be my last ever. I said to myself that I would lay off for a week. I had found myself drinking more, stressed by work and the political environment. A week off would be good. 

So I made it through that first week. I didn’t have anything on Wednesday, didn’t stop by Leo’s on Friday to stock up. And I felt ok. I never was one who needed to drink every day, but when I did, I drank too much. I switched from liquor to beer to control the amount, but then I sought out high ABV beer, rushing headlong into oblivion. 

I made it through that week. And then another. At some point, when Anita kept asking if this was forever, I decided that it would be a good idea to fully stop. It was never a big break, and though I never went to meetings, AA has one thing right – it is a day at a time.

I don’t like to define myself in the negative. Though I was clearly an alcoholic, the fact that I don’t drink anymore is not something that I want to define me, as I never wanted the fact that I drank too much to define me. But you are what you do as habit, and for fifteen years or so I was a self-destructive lush, and I appreciate those who stood beside me and loved me in spite of myself. 

It’s not all perfect. I used alcohol as a crutch for social anxiety, and so much of our society is based around drinking at events, like concerts and ballgames. The plus side is that by not spending a hundred bucks on beer, I can get better seats at games for the same price of the trip. I don’t lose my space at the front of the stage because I need to go get a beer at shows. I really thought I would lose weight by not sucking down those empty calories. I guess actually eating dinner is a trade-off. 

I am more present. Or, I think I am more present as a husband, student, and worker. There is more time in the week when you’re not losing three nights to the encroaching darkness. I don’t think I would have done it without the example of two of my friends, Jim Alcock and Derek Zanetti. Thank you for your positive influence. I hope I can play the same role for others.