A Review of Chuck Klosterman's "I Wear the Black Hat"

I have been a fan of Klosterman for years.  Before that point, I had been aware of him even though I hadn’t bothered to read anything he wrote.  I don’t remember what book it was, but someone lent me the most recent book that was out and I read it in a day.  I went and got the others, and read those as quickly as I could.

I then waited, and was blessed with another book of essays.  Then there were two novels – interesting, but not what makes me want to read Chuck Klosterman as an Idea, you know.  The best thing about Klosterman is that he is smart, but not overly academic.  That means you can read his books and learn things and he’s not necessarily thinking about how his cultural essays will look in front of the tenure committee.

You know this already.  You’re probably a fan of his work;  he’s preeminent in the “non jewish non serious” demographic (as he puts it) and you have a story like mine.  I bought this thing sight unseen except for the name months ago.  I devoured it gladly, and now it’s over. 

This is criticism, but it isn’t as tight as some of his other pieces.  By having a whole book to meander over who are villains and who are not, Klosterman gets a little self-indulgent at times (and this isn’t a pure criticism, he excels at self-indulgence).  Ultimately though it is rewarding, and he is great at a turn of phrase.  For example , he is discussing Hitler (Yes, Hitler is covered in the book) and he muses: “No one ever talks about building a time machine in order to go back and kill Judas.”  He brings forth truth.  The Hitler/Time Machine thing is such a trope there was a Dr. Who episode entitled “Let’s Kill Hitler”.  Yet – Judas betrayed god.  Dante puts Judas at the bottom of the heap for sinners, yet even he is part of God’s plan. It gets complicated in a way that Hitler doesn’t.

Will you learn more about the nature of evil?  Maybe and maybe not.  I like his formula for figuring out who the villain is: the one who knows the most yet cares the least.  I liked it, but I worry that it is ultimately ephemeral – though it may be more solid than the other books.  Klosterman is definitely a critic of his generation, an a lot essays have an expiration date on them.  This book should go stale more slowly than the others since it is tight around the theme,  though it is rooted in time in place that is very recognizable for a middle-class white guy with some education in the here and now. 

The best advice in that case, is to get this book as soon as possible and read it right now. 

Once upon a time.

The best stories start that way. 

You know what to expect along the way.

The princess is saved, or the prince is saved

But he doesn’t know it.

Adversity of some sort happens:

Nefarious viziers step in or the dragon comes

Or life,

Decides not ends up not like you planned.

In the end,  All you need is a glass slipper

Or a magical kiss or two.

The curse is broken and you get.

The end credits and fireworks.

The anthropomorphic animals

Cheer (though I don’t remember

That from the Grimm.).

Cute &

Trite &

…but

True.

We have a story like that

Told in flashbacks, remembered variously.

Shaving cream

Lost in Topeka

the fine fur of a missed dog

A Kiss.  And thousands more.

Sleepng on the floor, then briefly homeless

Never alone.  Quitting, starting, losing,

Finding: ourselves;  each other; us.

Laughing; talking; walking; singing; jumping.

Loving.  Waiting.  Moving.  Living.

Five years Now,

But also Forever

All questions are the wrong questions

Of course, he will recommend a transition. That's his job. I bet he makes extra on the transition also.

We know that we would ultimately benefit from making the transition too, but I retire in three years. I have zero interest in learning a new system when I'm comfortable with the old way and highly proficient with the paper records. I know all the patients and their kids. Dr. Johnson delivered all of them. Now some big shot from the city will come in and tell me that we're doing it all wrong. We may not be doing it your way, Mr. Big Shot, but we're doing just fine, thank you.

How much is this going to cost anyway? Is it worth it? To tell you the truth, Dr. Johnson's been slipping lately. He didn't retake his boards. Anything more difficult than a cold we refer to the county seat and their fancy hospital. They have electronic records there. They also have buildings that are three and four stories tall. Is that the way we do it here? Of course not, but it works just fine.

Oh, we'll do it. It's just ... you ever feel like you've been left behind? That's how I feel every day now. I'm just another milk cow that will be put out to pasture.

I think Doc is retiring soon. And this...this will close up. We haven't found anyone to take over the practice. It’s the whole town. The only ones here are the elderly, the kids, and the sad cases who wanted nothing more than to get out...they never did. You see them down at the Sports Page more than you see them at any church. My kids made it. All three went to the university. They don't come back....

My kids never call me, and you ask me about medical records? At least I have my cats.